Chapter 14.2 - 决明子 Cassia Seed
On the way home, both of them were lost in thought, and they remained silent the entire trip. Eventually, Shen Xifan couldn’t hold it in anymore. “He Suye, I feel like forgetting isn’t so easy. Like with my ex-boyfriend, even though my rational mind tells me it’s impossible, I still can’t help but think about him. It’s an indescribable feeling. Maybe I loved him too much before, and got hurt so badly. Now, no matter how hard I try to forget, I just can’t.”
“How long were you with him? I mean, your ex-boyfriend?”
“Two years. To be exact, 764 days…”
“Oh… Has your phone been repaired?”
“I just bought a new one. It’s so frustrating. By the way, did you send me a message?”
“Yeah, nothing much. Just wanted to check what you were doing.”
“Sorry…”
When He Suye got home, he made a cup of Ku Ding tea and picked up the letter again. Under the soft light, the blue stationery unfolded a faint sorrow. Her words, her heartache, he could feel it all.
Looking at it again, it wasn’t just a sour feeling anymore. He felt a pang of sympathy for her. It turned out that the little girl still carried the scars from her youth. On the surface, it seemed like they had healed, but in reality, they went deep to the bone. One wrong move and the pain would resurface. She had never had a boyfriend because she couldn’t bring herself to talk about it, or fall in love again, only to be hurt again. She was such a sensitive girl, fragile in a way that made people want to protect her.
He brought the tea to his lips, frowning at the bitterness. It was really bitter. Deep inside, there was a place in his heart that ached subtly, soft and lingering, drop by drop, tightening around his heart.
Had he fallen for her? He was so worried about her, enjoying watching her smile, the way her brows furrowed when she was angry, the little womanly gestures. He’d miss her after just a few days, feel anxious for her, care about her ex-boyfriend, even feel inexplicably jealous. All of this was proof that he liked her.
Joy and helplessness seized him at the same time. The little girl had a bottomless hole in her heart, and he didn’t know what could fill it. She refused to move forward, and he couldn’t just drag her out. But how could he make this girl, who made him feel both heartache and a sense of responsibility, bathed in sunshine, smiling so happily and joyfully?
All he wanted was to make her feel happy. He was willing to stand by her side, quietly waiting.
