Chapter 15.3 - 山楂 Hawthorn
Later, whenever there were school dances, that phrase—“If you don’t mind me bombing your left and right feet”—became their private signal. Among all her dance partners, only Yan Heng would smile and remind her, “Xifan, I think you just stepped on my foot again.”
The tenderness and affection in Yan Heng’s eyes flowed as it always had, just like five years ago. He smoothly took Shen Xifan’s hand, just as they had done hundreds or even thousands of times before.
The orange glow from the crystal chandelier, the shimmering water reflections, left Shen Xifan feeling a bit dizzy and entranced. The music mixed with her faint breaths as the emptiness in her heart expanded and expanded. She tried to control the overwhelming emotions threatening to flood her.
The attention of the people around them was all focused on the two of them, creating an atmosphere that seemed to repel anyone who tried to approach—an aura that only existed within their shared space. Shen Xifan felt herself sinking into it inexplicably. Suddenly, she noticed his breath growing closer, a bit tangled, a bit helpless.
Startled out of her reverie, she decisively let go of his hand and turned to leave. It was a near thing; just a little more, and she would have repeated the same mistake.
Her face flushed slightly as she splashed cold water on it, instantly waking herself up. She didn’t want to return, but as she was about to leave, she saw Lin Yishen holding her coat and handbag, waving her over.
She felt a bit awkward. “Thank you, Senior. Did I give him too much of a cold shoulder?”
Lin Yishen smiled. “I didn’t expect you to have such a bad temper, Junior. What’s the matter, not happy that your ex showed up?
Shen Xifan furrowed her brows. “Senior, let me ask you a question. Why is it that you guys can break up with a girl so nonchalantly, without any warning at all?”
Lin Yishen widened his eyes. “Are you accusing me of being fickle and heartless? I can’t really explain it, but it seems to be a common method for guys. When they’re bored or tired of someone, they just find it unnecessary to say anything, then passively avoid the situation, looking for new thrills. Then, when there’s no choice, they just drop the line: ‘Let’s break up.’”
Seeing the indignant expression on Shen Xifan’s face, he added, “Back then, we were all young and reckless. What was missing was just the word ‘responsibility.’ But who hasn’t grown up by hurting others?”
Shen Xifan smiled bitterly. “If we could have sat down calmly and talked things through back then, things wouldn’t have ended up like this. I wouldn’t be so confused now—wondering if I’m still holding on to feelings for him, or if it’s just stubbornness.”
Before Shen Xifan could finish speaking, her phone rang. She glanced at the screen and saw it was a call from Li Jie. She quickly answered.
“Shen Xifan, are you free? Do you want to come over for dumplings? What filling do you like? Oh, by the way, we’re all at Senior Brother’s place!”
The scene unfolds with lively warmth and the unexpected joy of shared moments. As everyone enjoys their time together, there’s a subtle connection growing between Shen Xifan and He Suye, each conversation layered with unspoken emotions. Shen Xifan, as a perfectionist, desires a love that’s simple and pure, like the sweetness of a traditional sugar-coated hawthorn skewer, full of sweetness and tang. The story hints at the possibility of a love that doesn’t require grand gestures but is defined by sincerity, much like the simple pleasure of a traditional treat.
Through interactions with friends and a series of lighthearted moments, the novel explores themes of personal growth, unhealed wounds, and the possibility of new beginnings. As Shen Xifan contemplates her past and her future with He Suye, she longs for a love that feels natural and undemanding—much like the sugar-coated hawthorn that represents the simplicity of life and love. Will He Suye be the one to offer that love to her? Only time will tell.
This excerpt reveals a heartwarming, lighthearted scene where Shen Xifan, amidst laughter and playful moments, begins to question her own feelings and the simplicity of love. Surrounded by friends, including the charming He Suye, she finds herself drawn to him, but also reflecting on the nature of her desires.
The use of food—like the sugar-coated hawthorn skewers (糖葫芦)—is a poignant metaphor for Shen Xifan’s idea of love: simple, sweet, and enduring. This moment encapsulates her longing for an uncomplicated, pure connection, one that isn’t adorned by societal expectations but instead grounded in authenticity.
The dynamics between characters also reveal subtle undercurrents of attraction and unspoken affection, especially between Shen Xifan and He Suye. Their playful interactions, such as He Suye’s quiet invitation to share another moment together, contrast with her idealistic expectations of love, raising the possibility that perhaps the most genuine feelings come without the need for grand gestures or perfection. It’s the small, meaningful moments—like sharing a sweet snack in the midst of everyday life—that might ultimately define their connection.
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