Chapter 10.1 - 枸杞 Lycium
At the time, she only vaguely felt that something was off, but she never expected Yan Heng to break up with her that night and start dating Gu Ningyuan, the belle of the chemistry department, the very next day.
She was like a worn-out toy, finally thrown into the trash.
She went crazy, sending him messages and calls, all with the same content: "What's wrong with me? Tell me, I'll change, I won't make you unhappy anymore." Finally, one day, she got Yan Heng's answer.
He said, all the qualities that once attracted me to you have now become your flaws. I hate how you cling to me non-stop, hate how you bother me for no reason, you give me no freedom, in short, you annoy me now.
She finally gave up, even breathing felt painful, her skin, bones, every part of her body screamed in desolation—I just wanted to be with you because I liked you so much, not wanting to be apart for a moment.
To this day, she still couldn't understand why he was the one who loved early and deeply, yet she ended up losing the most.
Shen Xifan's eyes showed some emotion, she still smiled, drinking water in big gulps, playing cards as if nothing was wrong. Lin Yishen looked at her, feeling an inexplicable sadness.
He had known this junior sister for a long time, her ex-boyfriend was Dai Heng, also known as Yan Heng, very famous at school. He had seen them a few times, but he was two grades above them, so they probably didn't know him. Among the many couples at school, he usually just smiled and passed by, but this pair left a deep impression on him.
Because when these two were together, the girl always smiled radiantly, sweet and lovely, a genuine smile that even made an outsider like him feel happy.
Later, when he saw her again, it was in the interview hall, her smile was somewhat forced but still comforting. The HR manager at the time asked her how she balanced work and relationships, he remembered her clear answer, I don't have a boyfriend, so there's no need to balance, I just want to work hard.
That's when he knew the reason behind the disappearance of that happy smile.
When Yan Heng came, Lin Yishen recognized him at first glance. Out of selfishness, he handled many matters related to Yan Heng on his own, even though many were beyond his authority, including pushing Ding Wei for the cooperation with "Zhongyu."
Because, he didn't want to see Shen Xifan suffer again, she had already suffered once, there was no reason for her to go through it again.
Yan Heng, he didn't deserve her love.
Next, Shen Xifan played cards much more boldly, winning back several rounds, while Ding Wei, under the influence of alcohol, became unclear-headed and lost several times in a row. Xu Xiangya then clamored for Ding Wei to tell about his first love.
Ding Wei downed a glass of wine fiercely, "My family was poor, and I didn't go to college. In high school, a rich girl who lived in a mansion and drove a BMW fell for me. At first, I just thought of it as a fling, but I ended up really falling in love, and we were entangled for several years. Her family, of course, opposed it, confined her, and we planned to elope, but were caught. The third day, she married someone else, and then I left my hometown, couldn't go back, and didn't want to. In the years after leaving, every time I closed my eyes, I saw her tearful face, heard her heart-wrenching cries calling my name..."
Later, things got out of hand, they stopped playing cards, and Xu Xiangya also started to disclose her emotional affairs. Ding Wei kept downing glasses of wine, Shen Xifan listened intently, sighing constantly, and Lin Yishen's emotions also got out of control.
On the last night of the old year, the night before the New Year, it turned out to be so heavy.
Suddenly, Shen Xifan glanced at her watch unintentionally and sobered up immediately, "It's already 9:30! Ding Wei, you have to go on duty!"
Then, Lin Yishen said to her with a bitter smile, "Ding Wei is drunk..."
Xu Xiangya interjected, "I'll go for him!" Just as she was about to get up, her legs gave way, her head dizzy, and she fell back into her seat. She patted her head, still trying to stand up by leaning on the table.
Shen Xifan held her down, turned to Lin Yishen and said, "Senior, you take them two back, I'll go to the hotel for duty."
Lin Yishen thought about it, "Forget it, I'll go!"
She smiled bitterly, "I can't carry Ding Wei, the hard task is yours, I'm leaving first!"
The winter night was cold, the wind was blowing gusts, Shen Xifan was completely sober as soon as she stepped out. She faintly felt a few raindrops on her face, and soon, the city was enveloped in a layer of rain and fog, the street lights, neon lights, their glow smeared in the night, inexplicably making people feel sad.
In front of the bar, single men and women passed by from time to time, couples kissed on the street as if no one else was there, young and beautiful girls coquettishly fawned over old men. A charming woman walked past her, a lingering fragrance around—a lifetime of fire.
The air was filled with ambiguity, frivolity, and decadence.
She really wanted to ask herself, in the city's love, is there really such a thing as forever?
The front desk lady was surprised to see her coming back for the key card, "Manager Shen, isn't Manager Ding on duty today?"
She had to smile, "Manager Ding is not feeling well, I'm here to replace him."
After getting the key card and opening the door, just as she put down her bag, she felt a slight pain in her stomach, and her heart sank, indeed, the thing girls fear the most had arrived as scheduled.
After dealing with it, she was both crying and laughing, but too weak to move, lying on the bed, grabbing a pillow to cushion her waist, she fell into a deep sleep under the influence of alcohol.
She had a long dream.
In the dream, there was Yan Heng, still looking like he did in their junior year, smiling at her and saying, "Xiao Fan, I need to earn a lot of money to support you, my little piggy, so I have to study hard now."
She was about to answer when a girl said, "Yan Heng, didn't you say you broke up with her a long time ago?" She recognized the voice as Gu Ningyuan's, turned around and shouted at her, "What are you talking about, when did he break up with me? Isn't it because you stole him, otherwise why would he like you?"
Gu Ningyuan was annoyed, reached out to push her, she was caught off guard and fell down the stairs, just as she was about to hit the ground, a pair of hands caught her, she looked up, it was He Suye, he frowned and scolded her, "Little girl, why are you so careless!"
Yan Heng stood at the crossing, shoulder to shoulder with Gu Ningyuan, looking at her coldly, his tone devoid of any emotion, any fluctuation, "Shen Xifan, we have already broken up! Stop pestering me!"
She woke up immediately, drenched in cold sweat, her bangs softly hanging over her forehead, she reached out to brush them away, the strands wet with sweat sticking to her forehead, feeling like needles to the touch.
At that moment, the phone rang, she recognized it was from the engineering department, the person on the other end anxiously shouted, "The promotional signs and billboards of Zhongyu have been blown loose by the wind, some have fallen and damaged some equipment, Manager Ding needs to come and see!" Without giving her a chance to explain, they hung up.
She sighed, knowing nothing about this cooperation, she had no choice but to brace herself and go. Fortunately, Ding Wei's secretary was still there, opened the office for her to find some information, she didn't bother to put on more clothes, reading while walking, by the time she reached the site, she had a rough idea.
At that time, it was still raining, the wind was also very strong, Shen Xifan's face was already pale from the cold, her waist was so sore it felt like it was about to collapse, she could even feel the blood flow, hitting her lower abdomen, a faint pain.
The rain hit her body, the cold invading without a trace.
She was in so much pain, she wished she could just faint.
The engineering department's Manager Zhang was surprised to see her, she had to explain that Ding Wei was sick, actually she didn't care if these could be fixed before tomorrow's press conference, she cared about the doubts on the project renderings of this plan.
Sure enough, half an hour later, the marketing director of "Zhongyu" rushed over, a woman in her thirties, coming with a stern tone, "Manager Zhang, I have a hundred thousand doubts about your hotel's construction level!"
The female director personally watched the workers rehang those billboards, and carefully checked them again, Shen Xifan was also extremely nervous, climbing up and down with Manager Zhang, checking and confirming over and over.
In the meantime, Yan Heng came personally, speaking harshly and critically to Manager Zhang, throughout the whole process he only glanced lightly at Shen Xifan, then subtly shifted his gaze away.
She knew, Yan Heng would never consider personal feelings when it came to work, if today it was Shen Xifan herself who made a mistake, he would sternly reprimand her without any courtesy.
But she still felt uncomfortable, her heart was blocked, not because of the scolding she received, but because she suddenly felt Yan Heng was so far away from her, so far that even though he was so close to her, he couldn't see her discomfort, her pain—just physically.
Finally, at six o'clock, the venue was restored to its original state, several billboards were repositioned, looking much safer.
She finally breathed a sigh of relief, touching her face that was numb from the cold, she felt that now even lifting a foot was difficult, not just from the cold, the pain was piercing, she was about to collapse.
But she still had to hold on.
In the office, the female director of "Zhongyu" firmly believed that the loss was due to the construction issues of the engineering department. Shen Xifan, biting her lip and pale, almost word by word, said, "Didn't Manager Zhang discuss the construction details with Zhongyu before, such as how high the billboards should be hung, how the promotional signs should be fixed? Manager Zhang has been in charge of the hotel's engineering for many years, how could he make a mistake on such a small matter?"
With that, all the responsible parties understood that Zhongyu, in pursuit of so-called effects, had altered the construction renderings without the hotel's consent, leading to a sudden reversal of the situation, and everyone started discussing animatedly.
But this matter still had to wait for Ding Wei to return to handle. She called Ding Wei, fortunately, he was already on his way to the hotel, and only then did she feel a weight lift off her heart.
Almost gritting her teeth, she made it to the back door, ready to hail a taxi home, when Yan Heng chased after her, calling out, "Xiao Fan, why are you so pale, are you sick?"
Outside was a drizzling rain, Shen Xifan stood in the misty rain, her green wool coat making her face appear even paler, she frowned, "Mr. Yan, I'm fine, thank you for your concern, I'm leaving now, goodbye."
Yan Heng wanted to call her back, feeling that something was off with her earlier demeanor, but as soon as he reached out, she had already ducked into a taxi and sped away.
A few raindrops hit his hand, icy to the bone, he had a vague sense of foreboding, Shen Xifan was no longer that naive girl from before, three years had passed, and some things really could never be found again.
For example, the intensity of love, the ferocity of hate, eventually all turned to dust.
Shen Xifan almost stumbled out of the car, after walking a few steps, cold sweat streaming down, she leaned against a tree along the path in the neighborhood, panting as she stood for a while, wanting to take out her phone to call home, to have her mom come get her, but then she thought, last night they had gone to her grandmother's house, and wouldn't be back until tomorrow.
She walked with some difficulty, hands on her hips, stopping every two steps, her legs already heavy as if filled with lead.
Suddenly, she was gently tapped on the back, and then He Suye's familiar voice, "Shen Xifan, what's wrong?"
He turned her body around, seeing that small face devoid of color, lips bitten white, bangs dripping with water droplets on her forehead, a glimmer in her eyes, and looking at her bent over, curled up, he suddenly felt a bit panicked.
Shen Xifan grabbed onto the hem of He Suye's clothes, silently looking at him with a hint of endurance, but more of helplessness, she felt He Suye was her lifeline, her body's center of gravity involuntarily leaning towards him, whispering in fragments, "It hurts... it hurts... I can't take the pain anymore..."
He Suye, having seen tens of thousands of patients, immediately knew what was wrong with her, he reached out to take her bag, one hand supporting her, the other holding an umbrella, gently asking, "Can you stand? Are you okay?"
Shen Xifan nodded, forcing out an ugly smile, with a weak breath, "He Suye, is there anything that can make the pain go away, I'm dying!"
He Suye supported her, walking very slowly, patiently comforting her, "Let's go to my place, it's not far, we'll be there soon."
He Suye first helped her lie down on the bed, then took out a box from the study, and retrieved a few needles, some long, some just a little, the needle heads round, some sharp, he carefully wiped them with alcohol, then turned to Shen Xifan, who immediately pulled a long face upon seeing them, pitifully saying, "He Suye, I don't want to get pricked..."
He ignored her protests, "Lie down with your back to me, lift up your clothes."
She had no choice but to comply, softly asking, "All the clothes?"
He Suye glared at her, "Of course, otherwise how can it be effective." After saying that, Shen Xifan noticed his face slightly reddening, he quickly explained, "You're the patient, I'm the doctor..."
He proceeded, the first needle at the Chengjiang point, the second slowly inserted into the Dazhui point, slowly advancing the needle, the third quickly pricked seventeen times at the lower back, twisting and lifting the needle, Shen Xifan winced in pain, softly crying out, he comforted her, "Endure it, be good!" Then took a fine needle to insert into the Chengshan point, Sanjiaoshu, Shenshu, Qihaishu.
He was skilled, but facing Shen Xifan, he hesitated a bit, seeing her slightly furrowed brows, he knew, even the roundest and bluntest needles would cause some pain, even so, he was still worried she would cry out in pain.
After about twenty minutes, Shen Xifan's body gradually regained sensation, the cold pain in her lower abdomen no longer dragging down, slowly color returned to her face, he gently removed all the needles, helped her pull down her clothes, and asked, "How do you feel now?"
Shen Xifan took a deep breath, "Really much better, thank you."
He smiled, wiped the needles with alcohol cotton, put them away, and instructed her, "Lie down for a while, I'll go buy something, be back soon."
After he left, Shen Xifan hugged a pillow, lying on the bed curiously looking around He Suye's home, clean and tidy, the home reflected the person, she couldn't stay still, put on her shoes and wandered around, saw a laptop in his study, then piles of medical books, and those Chinese herbal medicine specimens.
She walked to the desk, saw a stack of all-English documents, she looked, immediately recognized it was from the University of Pennsylvania, after a couple more glances, her expression slightly changed, clearly it was a doctoral application form, was He Suye going abroad?
He Suye left the building, realized in his haste he had forgotten to bring an umbrella, fortunately, the rain had almost stopped, just as he reached the supermarket entrance, his phone rang, saw it was Li Jie, and immediately answered.
Li Jie helplessly said, "Senior brother, it's almost noon, why haven't you arrived yet?"
He Suye smiled and explained, "Something came up last minute, not going anymore, apologize to Mr. Andy for me."
Li Jie sighed, "He really likes you, how can you not go, forget it, I know you have your reasons, must be something urgent, after it's done, explain it to the boss yourself, this is a favor I can't help with!"
He Suye hung up the phone, thought about the day before when Andy and the boss asked him to seriously consider the publicly funded study abroad opportunity, felt an inexplicable annoyance, he felt he had attachments, couldn't leave, couldn't break his own bonds, might as well not go.
Shen Xifan was wandering around the house, suddenly heard the sound of keys unlocking the door, a jolt ran through her as she ran back to bed, lying down obediently, He Suye came in carrying a big bag of things, smiled at her and went into the kitchen.
Soon, a sweet fragrance filled the room, a bit pungent, but a warm scent, Shen Xifan was still puzzled when He Suye walked over with a cup, handed it to her, "Drink this, might make you feel better."
Shen Xifan looked at the red water, a spicy aroma wafting into her nose, took a small sip from the cup, and exclaimed, "So fragrant! He Suye, what is this?"
He Suye sat on the edge of the bed, looking at her steadily, "It's brown sugar ginger water, brown sugar is warm in nature, sweet in taste, enters the spleen, has the effects of replenishing qi and blood, warming the spleen and stomach, easing pain, and promoting blood circulation, and you just got caught in the rain, use brown sugar ginger tea to dispel the cold, prevent a cold."
She smiled, "He Suye, you're full of folk remedies, it's delicious!" Drinking the tea in big gulps, her heart warmed, and her eyes couldn't help but moisten.
Since she was a child, she would suffer terribly during these days, she knew it was nothing serious but had to endure it, just never thought, He Suye would be so nervous, even his needle technique was very gentle, she felt cared for, very carefully looked after, for a long time, she hadn't tasted such care.
Like a warm thick scarf in winter, a cool iced tea in summer, He Suye always appeared just when she needed him most, seeing his smile, the deep dimple on one side, she felt very at ease.
She suddenly wanted to know the temperature of his palm, if it was just the right 24 degrees of the afternoon sun.
