Chapter 6.2 - Why Give Up (2)
"I used to be an ordinary person." This opening was as inexplicable as this meal. Luo Zhi quickly recovered from the daze and nodded, indicating that she was listening.
"In order to get close to him, I studied hard. I entered the top five of the class. But so what if I enter the top five? I guess I have been killed by jokes people make on me? I despise myself. Perverted or masochistic, I have done a lot of special things to punish myself. I have chopsticks in my left hand and pens in my right hand while reading and eating. During breaks, I played with a fake Swiss army knife by tossing it in the air, causing my tablemate to yell out of fright. I questioned the teacher’s teaching method loudly in the classroom, the Chinese teacher was so angry that he hit the table and left... completely ruining my image in his mind ----- if I even had an image. Looking back, I don’t know why I did all that, why did I hurt my image and reputation in that manner.”
Luo Zhi looked at Zheng Wenrui with a confused face, but she just raised her head and stared into blank space, smiled bleakly, with no intention to explain.
"Even if I become outstanding, there is still no way to approach him, so it is better to completely ruin all the ways of getting close to him. Then, I can give up." Zheng Wenrui laughed and drank the remaining wine in the glass at once, continued.
"But I still can't give up. It has come to this point, yet I still can't give up."
"I know he will never like me, but so what? If you have such a perfect person by your side, who is only a walkway away you, every day you can see him sitting upright and reading his book, or secretly playing NDS under the table during class. When he is called by the teacher, he can still answer all the questions. You can smell the fragrance of the fabric softener with just a little movement. You don’t smell any sweat even when he comes back from playing basketball. You muster up the courage to pass him the towel. You can hear his particularly nice voice saying thank you, and the eyes that smile at you when you smile ----how can I not like him? Yes, I’m ugly, I don’t deserve him, but God is unfair, should I give up because of it? Why should I like those who are not as good as him, why do I only match those people who are worse than him? Why do I have to accept the situation and move on, and why should I settle for the second-best?!"
Zheng Wenrui said more and became more agitated, tears fell like rain, staring hard at the roasted meat in front of her, her body trembling slightly. Luo Zhi had been resisting to laugh when she first heard her headless lyrical narration, thinking she was living life like a play. However, when she heard this, she unknowingly signed.
Yeah, why give up. Heaven tortures people by showing them what is good with an evil intention, and then when they are immersed in that goodness, it then takes it back and tells you, stop dreaming, it has nothing to do with you.
So that's why Zheng Wenrui doesn't give up. God is blatantly unfair. But mortals reserve the right to be prejudiced.
While Luo Zhi thought about it, she unconsciously felt a bit bitter.
Luo Zhi now knows that the “he” Zheng Wenrui talked about is Sheng Huainan. Although she didn't mention his name from beginning to end.
She loves him, but he doesn't love her. This is a very boring topic, and it was never-ending. Zheng Wenrui liked him when she was a freshman, confessed and was rejected. Later he had a girlfriend and she vowed to give up. Later when he broke up with his girlfriend at university, she once again found the courage to confess again, and was rejected with a "very gentle smile".
What Luo Zhi did was to smile or sigh at the appropriate time, accompanied by movements such as shaking her head and nodding, and showing concern with her quiet eyes.
Zheng Wenrui said that unrequited love was too painful. When she learned that he had a girlfriend, she let the teachers and students of the school watch her dress in very little clothes to exercise. She was laughed at but made her feel that she deserved it. Self-abuse made her very happy.
That was the last time she acted stupidly in high school.
But not the last time in this lifetime.
She said that she thought she had forgotten and let go, but in university, she still unconsciously carefully studied the characteristics of the girl he loved and shaped herself into a lively girl.
"I don’t have any dreams. My family doesn't have much expectation of me. Their expectations are all went to my younger brother. When I was admitted to such a good university, my family were very surprised. The people around me, including parents and younger brothers, are all mediocre people, the kind of person who would chatter about the price increase of eggs and the housework of neighbours for most of the day. I saw them and wanted to hide far away. However, he is the most perfect person I have met in my life, different from everyone I met in my life before entering high school. Many people persuaded me to give up and stop before going too far, but I just can’t let go, I just like him, why should I let go, why. Why should they laugh at me?"
Luo Zhi couldn't help crying, but she felt a very gentle emotion in her heart. The strange girl didn't seem to know how to win the favour of others, but she didn't want to laugh at her foolish methods.
Jie Mei Tao (illa: Chinese talk show) often gathers together to discuss how to help girlfriends keep or play with the heart of a boy, but Luo Zhi admired this stupid child who is fighting alone more. Cherishing a person’s lone courage, she thinks she finally understands its meaning
Of course, she must admit, for someone who likes to watch tragic heroes, she did have a bit of the gloomy mentality of rejoicing in other people's misfortune.
Afterwards, Zheng Wenrui was completely drunk and stopped talking about things like "I have woken up to reality, now I don't care about him anymore", words said just to save face, she no longer looked at her, but lay on the table whimpered. Luo Zhi finally took a breath and turned her gaze to the glass on the right, her expression relaxed and indifferent. The autumn evening in Beijing is still very cold, the barbecue shop is very hot, and water droplets have formed on the window.
Luo Zhi tentatively picked up a glass of wine and swallowed it.
Both of them are ones who are not loved, but she is not so valiant and brave, she can only drink in respect.
There is always such a person in the world. For ordinary people, their existence is a kind of mocking.
For example, Sheng Huainan.
"By the way, you and his ex-girlfriend are classmates?"
Luo Zhi thought that the person on the opposite side was already asleep so that sudden voice shocked her.
"Yes."
"Is your relationship good?"
"Not familiar."
"Do you still contact each other now?"
"No."
Zheng Wenrui suddenly giggled, "Liar."
